Even as I type on a blank computer screen, I’m daydreaming of a future lost, the inside jokes, jobs, the hottie across the bar, relationships; countless opportunities – all of which might have been if the timing were right.
In those moments when the timing isn’t right and things don’t turn out the way we expect, it can feel like all we’re left to do is dream, however don’t you ever let anyone tell you it isn’t okay to dream. Sometimes dreams are all we have to lift our spirits and help us define where we want to be in such great detail; but what happens when we become too invested in them?
Our desperation to change the past prevents us from letting it go – that’s when it all starts to get dangerous. You need to lay out your memories like a deck of cards from the earliest to the latest. If you look closely you will notice that each memory is linked to the next not by coincidence, but by pain, sadness, joy, or anger.
Emotional milestones act as bridges to the next phases of life. We aren’t always going to have happy times, in fact life guarantees countless hours of struggle and upset. But no matter where our head is in the middle of these struggles, we are unconsciously building a new bridge – one that takes us to a stronger and wiser consciousness.
How do I know this? Because I’ve been there. We all have. There’s no use in pretending we haven’t; it’s what ties us together: an understanding that we are not perfect, we have made mistakes, and that we usually aren’t what we preach to be. It’s great to know that someone else experienced our struggles. It gives us hope that one day we’ll be done with it too.
Past, Present, Future
It’s not an accident you’re reading my post. Whatever happened to you today, yesterday, last week or last year changed the trajectory of your action right now.
You browse through LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter and see the title of this story – it calls to you for some reason and you click it. Suddenly, you and I have tricked time and we’re here, together, connecting on a level unfathomable with reality. We’re healing each other.
What happened in the past can’t help but haunt you in the present, after all it was the past that brought you to me in the first place – brought you here, to wherever you are, to whatever emotion you’re feeling at the present time. The actions of our past are always going to be the same, but we can always change our perspective of it.
Forget the mantra that things happen for a reason – it doesn’t work. Pain and agony should never be “meant to be.” We can only learn from them.
Life is spontaneous and should be taken day by day. No one is destined to be anything other than what they tell themselves they are. When you allow your past to identify your character you are never going to become who you want to be – you will always be the person you were. Your life will mirror that of your most painful memories and your future self will act as a slave to its torment.
All Roads Lead to Rome
We’re not wizards or time travelers and our past should and must stay behind us. All that is in our control is how we interpret these memories and shape them differently. Every memory can be turned into strength. Every painful thing you’ve said or did (even a dagger thrown) can be turned into a lesson.
We aren’t the same person we were when we were teenagers, come on, we aren’t even the same person we were last week. Time allows us to reflect on why we did what we did. More often than not the only answer we’ll have is simply that we didn’t know anything else. Lack of experience accounts for most of our regrets.
Stop looking left, right and behind you. It doesn’t matter if your friends seem to be ahead of you – trust me, they’re not (don’t believe everything you read on social media). We all have different roads we take to get to where we need to be. We have contrasting cadences, goals, aspirations – the only race we ought to focus on is our own. Look straight ahead and move forward. You will find that as you march onward, you are being healed.
The truth of the matter is that all roads lead to Rome. Travel contently. It’s never too late to make your dreams come true – just don’t forget to leave your past where it belongs.